Probably the closest she’s come to comfort in a long time.

And when she finally looked up at me you could see the loneliness and suffering in her eyes.

She’s been married for over five years. But in all honesty four of them have felt like she’s been alone.

Totally and completely alone.

Tons of people in relationships suffer silently. And even though they may be with someone. That someone is miles away.

This got me to thinking about true needs. About getting clear on what it is that we really need to feel like we’re loved.

And the crazy thing is that true needs are never big crazy over the moon type of things.

They’re usually small. Tiny little moments of love.

Like:

* Holdings hands
* Cuddling on the couch
* Saying I love you
* Going for a walk with no destination in mind
* Shooting the breeze over a coffee
* Watching a movie together
* Calling unexpectedly to say hi

So the trick here is 1st to get clear on your true needs. What matters most to you?

Then 2nd, when you start to date someone, or if you’re currently in a relationship that is blossoming, to be sure to let them know. Have a heart to heart about what your true needs are.

I didn’t really expect anyone to respond. But people did. So I reassured my friends and family that I wasn’t in love with someone who asked me to be all shady and launder their money for them. Which I hoped put people’s mind at ease.

Reading their comments about knowing your truth, and being true to your values got me to thinking about all the sacrifices we may or may not make when we’re in a relationship.

The sacrifices I’m talking about are good ones. Things that bring you closer to your loved one. Steps that you can take to strengthen the bond that the two of you share.

Say for example that the guy you’re dating loves UFC and you could care less about half-naked sweaty men pounding the snot out of each other. But you know that it would make his day for you to watch the fight with him. Why not do it? Why not just make the sacrifice? Why not be there with him while he experiences his joy?

Or she loves going for a walk on the boardwalk arm in arm with you but you’d rather just veg on the couch. Why not get up and go? Make her happy. Take the time to share a special moment together.

Sometimes it doesn’t matter what you’re doing. What truly matters is who you’re doing it with.

Your Soulmate Is Searching For You.

Ian – The Soulmate Scientist

This is a guest post by Tara Springett author of Soulmate Relationships.

Whenever I give a talk about finding a loving relationship I start by stressing how important it is to own our need for finding a partner. We need to have a strong desire for a loving relationship and that means admitting that we are missing something in ourselves.

Giving this advice seems very obvious – even banal – but there are always people in the audience who do not feel comfortable with it. People will say that they do not really ‘need’ a partner and that they are certainly not deficient. Instead, they claim that you can only find a partner if you feel whole and complete inside.

However, my experience as a therapist has shown me that people who are truly complete in themselves are rarely interested in finding a partner. They simply can’t be bothered to put up with all the difficulties that arise in even the most loving relationships. What’s more, very independent people are not very attractive to others, either. They are not attractive because people like to be needed. If someone is complete and whole there are no needs to be filled – so the other person feels superfluous. Just imagine someone saying to you at a romantic date, ‘It’s great to be with you here but I would be just as happy alone. I really don’t need you or anybody else.’ Most people do not feel attracted to people who are so self-sufficient.

So, the first step for finding a loving relationship is to give up too much independence and own our need for a partner. Then, in the next step we need to create a feeling of love within us that equals the feeling of love we would like to experience with our future partner. Some people call this ‘creating a vibration of love’. If we can maintain this vibration of love even while we are alone a relationship will almost automatically manifest in our life after some time. This is the basic dynamic of manifesting all our dreams.

The big question is how we can create such a loving feeling even without a partner. The answer is that we start by giving love to ourselves. We need to love ourselves including all our problems and faults just like a mother loves her less-than-perfect child. Once we feel loved it will be much easier to improve ourselves to become the most attractive person in body and mind for someone else.

Now we come to the third step and that is visualizing our perfect relationship. Visualizing our dreams is a common advice that we can find in almost every self-help book. However, visualizing alone is not enough. We need to become aware of the most shadowy and vague feelings of doubt, fear and resistance towards our wish. Only if we can spot these unconscious barriers will we be able to remove them and manifest the most wonderful relationship. For example, many people who wish for a partner are unconsciously afraid of being hurt. Quite a few of my clients fear that their future partner may be boring or unattractive.

As soon as we notice our inner negativity we need to replace it with a more positive visualization. Why is this so important? Because it is those unconscious negative thoughts and feelings that are responsible for passing by all the wonderful opportunities for finding love that occur in everybody’s life. In other words, as long as our heart is closed even the most wonderful person would seem ‘boring’ or ‘unattractive’ to us.

Once we have unearthed our inner negativity and have replaced it with a more positive visualization we come to the last step of finding a partner. We have to go to places where we can meet people with values and interests similar to our own.

If we can put into action all those four steps – developing a strong wish for finding a relationship, maintaining a vibration of love, eliminating our unconscious resistance and going to places where our future partner may find us – then it will be only a matter of time until we find a truly loving relationship.

Receive a FREE EBOOK ‘The Secret To Finding Love and Happiness” and get tons more advice and tips on Tara’s website http://www.taraspringett.com

About Tara Springett

Tara Springett holds an M.A. in Education and has post-graduate qualifications in psychotherapy. For many years Tara has assisted people in finding their soulmate. Her approach focuses on the positive yet helps people to clear out all unconscious barriers that are holding them back.

Tara is the author of several self-help books.  She has been featured in numerous publications and has appeared on various radio and television shows in Europe and the US. Tara (born 1960) lives with her husband and soulmate and their son in the beautiful countryside of East Sussex in England where she also works in her private counseling practice.

The philosopher Francis Bacon said that, “They are ill discoverers that think there is no land, when they can see nothing but sea.”

When you’re looking for your Soulmate you’re going to be looking at a lot of sea. Miles and miles of it. And you have to be OK with that. Seeing beyond it even. Trusting and knowing that the land of Soulmate lovers is out there somewhere. Just past the horizon. So stay the course, work the sails, and enjoy the journey.

But sometimes this isn’t enough.

Especially for doers. People that like to roll up their sleeves and want to get their hands dirty. The ones who want to put in some work and feel like they’re moving forward under their own power in some fashion.

If that’s you, then I think you’ll appreciate this Soulmate exercise.

These techniques can work for anyone though. They’re easy and fun to do.

We’ll be working with the power of our minds. Using our imagination. Playing in the land of possibilities.

Find Your Soulmate Exercise

Let’s launch this process from your likes. What are the things that you like to do? What are the type of people that you’re usually attracted to? What’s the type of music and food that you enjoy the most?

Here’s the questions and the process for you:

If you love to go rock climbing your Soulmate may like to do that as well. Imagine the two of you rock climbing.

If you love to bust a move on the dance floor, your Soulmate may like to do that as well. Imagine the two of you dancing all night long.

If you love to cook, your Soulmate may like to do that as well. Imagine the two of you preparing dinner together.

Do you enjoy movies, the opera, or UFC?

It’s likely that your Soulmate will too.

Whatever your interests are they’re probably shared by your Soulmate.

Use them as a jumping off place to connect to them energetically. Set aside some time everyday, maybe before you go to sleep to practice this Soulmate attraction exercise.

By doing this, you will be sending out a message to the universe, asking your soulmate to contact you.

And Remember Your Soulmate Is Looking For You Too!

Ian – The Soulmate Scientist

The Origins of Valentine’s Days

Love makes us do crazy things. It’s power pushes us beyond reason. But with all the mania that’s associated with love, it still is an amazing feeling. One that we all crave and yearn to have in our lives.

Love can transform the meekest of men in mightiest of gladiators.

And one of love’s hero’s is a man named St. Valentine.

That’s right, THE, St. Valentine. The guy that started off this whole Valentine’s Day thingy.

The Origins of Valentine’s Day

In one of the stories that surround this day and this mysterious man, St. Valentine is portrayed as a quite the canny rogue.

Angered by the king’s new decree to ban young men from marrying because his majesty wants a bigger army. St. Valentine is compelled to act in accordance with a higher law and risks it all for love.

Without a thought for his own life, he would marry young couples in secret. Meeting the lovebirds in hidden and secluded spots. Basking in the glow of love and binding people together with it, at the risk of losing his own life.

Because if he were caught performing these secret midnight marriages, that would be treason. A crime against King and country. Punishible by death.

But knowing that his cause was righteous he ignored the pleadings of his reasoning mind and followed the deep call of his heart.

Can you guess what happens next?

He gets caught.

Valentine is then charged with treason, which is punishable by death, and is sent to prison to await his destiny.

Love, which transcends all, finds it way into St. Valentines dark and dingy little cell.

And as the story goes, he falls in love with the head jailers daughter. A beautiful, caring and gentle women. She too believes that love is the highest law and visits Valentine daily. In a short time the two of them fall madly in love.

The fated day arrives and Valentine is about to be put to death. And just before he’s ripped from his cell and cast into deaths dark embrace St. Valentine does one final act of love.

He writes a love letter to his sweetheart and signs it, “From Your Valentine.”

And since that day St. Valentine’s legend and story has grown.

And remember, your Soulmate is looking for you too!

Ian – The Soulmate Scientist

by Oriah Mountain Dreamer

It doesn’t interest me what you do for a living. I want to know what you ache for and if you dare to dream of meeting your heart’s longing.

It doesn’t interest me how old you are. I want to know if you will risk looking like a fool for love, for your dream, for the adventure of being alive.

It doesn’t interest me what planets are squaring your moon. I want to know if you have touched the centre of your own sorrow, if you have been opened by life’s betrayals or have become shriveled and closed from fear of further pain.

I want to know if you can sit with pain, mine or your own, without moving to hide it, or fade it, or fix it.

I want to know if you can be with joy, mine or your own; if you can dance with wildness and let the ecstasy fill you to the tips of your fingers and toes without cautioning us to be careful, be realistic, remember the limitations of being human.

It doesn’t interest me if the story you are telling me is true. I want to know if you can
disappoint another to be true to yourself. If you can bear the accusation of betrayal and not betray your own soul. If you can be faithless and therefore trustworthy.

I want to know if you can see Beauty even when it is not pretty every day. And if you can source your own life from its presence.

I want to know if you can live with failure, yours and mine, and still stand at the edge of the lake and shout to the silver of the full moon, ‘Yes.’

It doesn’t interest me to know where you live or how much money you have. I want to know if you can get up after the night of grief and despair, weary and bruised to the bone and do what needs to be done to feed the children.

It doesn’t interest me who you know or how you came to be here. I want to know if you will stand in the centre of the fire with me and not shrink back.

It doesn’t interest me where or what or with whom you have studied. I want to know what sustains you from the inside when all else falls away.

I want to know if you can be alone with yourself and if you truly like the company you keep in the empty moments.

When love beckons to you, follow him,
Though his ways are hard and steep.
And when his wings enfold you yield to him,
Though the sword hidden among his pinions may wound you.
And when he speaks to you believe in him,
Though his voice may shatter your dreams
as the north wind lays waste the garden.

For even as love crowns you so shall he crucify you.
Even as he is for your growth so is he for your pruning.
Even as he ascends to your height and caresses your tenderest branches that quiver in the sun,
So shall he descend to your roots and shake them in their clinging to the earth.

Like sheaves of corn he gathers you unto himself.
He threshes you to make you naked.
He sifts you to free you from your husks.
He grinds you to whiteness.
He kneads you until you are pliant;
And then he assigns you to his sacred fire, that you may become sacred bread for God’s sacred feast.

All these things shall love do unto you that you may know the secrets of your heart,
and in that knowledge become a fragment of Life’s heart.

But if in your fear you would seek only love’s peace and love’s pleasure,
Then it is better for you that you cover your nakedness and pass out of love’s threshing-floor,
Into the seasonless world where you shall laugh,
but not all of your laughter,
and weep,
but not all of your tears.
Love gives naught but itself and takes naught but from itself.
Love possesses not nor would it be possessed;
For love is sufficient unto love.

When you love you should not say, “God is in my heart,” but rather, “I am in the heart of God.”
And think not you can direct the course of love, for love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course.

Love has no other desire but to fulfill itself.
But if you love and must needs have desires, let these be your desires:
To melt and be like a running brook that sings its melody to the night.
To know the pain of too much tenderness.
To be wounded by your own understanding of love;
And to bleed willingly and joyfully.
To wake at dawn with a winged heart and give thanks for another day of loving;
To rest at the noon hour and meditate love’s ecstasy;
To return home at eventide with gratitude;
And then to sleep with a prayer for the beloved in your heart and a song of praise upon your lips.

True Love Hurts

True love isn’t all fluffy clouds and puppy dogs. Love hurts. It’s a fact. One that we like to forget. But it’s there. Hiding. Waiting for the right moment to strike.

Bestselling author Neil Gaiman had this to say about true love, “Have you ever been in love? Horrible isn’t it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up.

You build up all these defenses, you build up a whole suit of armor, so that nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life…You give them a piece of you. They didn’t ask for it. They did something dumb one day, like kiss you or smile at you, and then your life isn’t your own anymore.

Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so simple a phrase like ‘maybe we should be just friends’ turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart.

It hurts. Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind. It’s a soul-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain. I hate love.”

Love is for the brave. Love is for the strong. Love if for people who are ready to share the best themselves. To explore dark corners of their own existence. And to be pushed to places that we never knew existed.

But what can you do if you’ve been burned by love?

Is there something out there to help you when love hurts?

I think the only cure for this type of pain is forgiveness.

Forgiveness and the Art of Finding Your Soulmate

For some people, forgiving is the hardest thing in the world to do. They hold onto their pain, nurturing it with negative thoughts, afraid of letting it go. It burns like a fire inside of them. Taking over their mind and body. Consuming their very life force. And in the end their pain is their only friend. A comfortable companion that sees them off on their journey all the way to the bitter end.

But there is another way. And that way is to forgive when love has hurt us.

Forgiveness sets us free. It releases us from the bonds of self-slavery. It frees the love that wants to flow within our lives.

Three Little Words

I forgive you. Please forgive me. Who could imagine that three little words could have such tremendous power. That these words, backed with a deep heartfelt sincerity, could bring the strongest of men to their knees. That these simple words can set free a person that has long been a slave to their own suffering.

Forgiveness is awareness.

Awareness that we all still have tremendous room to grow. To learn. To love. To experience life to its fullest.

We’re all trying our best. So in those moments where we forgive and when we are forgiven we are reminded that we’re still living. That we’re all in this together. That there are moments where you’re reminded of the adventure of life and the courage it takes to live it fully.

Forgiveness is love in motion. A movement that brings us toward each other and sets us straight upon the path of life once more. It gives us a brief glance into the humanity of our lives. The tenderness of our own hearts. The delicate nature of all the world.

So be strong and forgive.

Be kind and let yourself be forgiven.

Forgiveness rights all wrongs and unleashes the great magic of our lives once more.

True Love – Forgiveness Exercise

“Without forgiveness, there’s no future.”
Archbishop Desmond Tutu

Like Archbishop Desmond Tetu said, there can be no future without forgiveness. Below you’ll find three different techniques that I created:

The Simple Forgiveness Technique

The Forgiveness Letter

Forgiveness Prayer

The techniques are easy to do. It doesn’t matter if your working on yourself or on forgiving someone in your life. Read the techniques through first and see which method resonates with you the most. Then do that one. Maybe you’ll even discover that doing all three of them is exactly what you need so that you can release the pain of the past of the past and start to heal.

The Simple Forgiveness Technique

The Simple Forgiveness Technique is the easiest of the three to
do:

• Generate the feeling of forgiveness within you
• Really let the feeling of love and compassion fill every fibre of your being
• Hold the person within your mind that you want to forgive
• Say either out loud or within your mind the words “I Forgive You.”
•If you have to do this again and again until you can feel the shift within your mind and heart

The Forgiveness Letter

Grab a pen and some paper. You’ll need at least three sheets but I recommend even more. Go to a quiet room and close the door so that you’re not disturbed.

One of the pages is going to be used to forgive yourself and the other page is going to be used to forgive others.

Choose to either forgive yourself or work on forgiving others first. Whichever you feel more drawn to begin with that.

On the paper that you’ll be using to forgive others I want you to title it, I FORGIVE YOU, and on the one for yourself I want you to title it, I FORGIVE MYSELF.

Forgiving Others

On a separate sheet of paper begin to write out all the things that you feel it’s time to truly forgive others for. Be the issues large or small. Whether their with family, friends, or society. Make a quick list of them.

Once the list is done I want you to write something out on a new sheet of paper that’s similar to the following structure:

Dear (Put their first name here),

I’ve been meaning to tell you this for awhile now and I believe that the time has finally come to get this off my chest. I’m starting my new life and it’s time for me to move on and one of the ways I’m going to do this is by forgiving.

I’m not sure if you know this but (insert what they did that hurt you here – write out how it hurt you and for how long – write out any deep held feelings that you may have had or still may have – go deep into everything that this incident has affected in your life – be as detailed as necessary).

But like I said earlier, the time has come to move on. I want a fresh start. I want to change. I HAVE changed. I can feel myself growing and awakening more and more each day.

I have now realized that the time has come to do this. To truly release myself
from this pain and any memory I have of it.

So…

I forgive you. (As you write these words I need you to truly feel it. Even if you have to write them out over and over again. You must generate a feeling of forgiveness in order to facilitate a release.)

Sign your name.

Be sure at some point after this process is done that you destroy this paper in some manner. I like bringing the paper with me to the middle of an open field at midnight on a full moon. I’ll dig a little hole in the ground because this is where I am going to set fire to the paper to finalize the process.

I take some time to sit still and be present to the beauty and magic of the night. When I feel ready I’ll say the letter out loud and then when I feel that the full release has happened I’ll set fire to the paper making sure that it is contained in the hole that I have dug.

Forgiving Yourself

If your working on the process of forgiving yourself using the Forgiveness Letter technique the process is pretty much the same as forgiving others:

• Write out a list of the things that you’d like to be forgiven for
• On a new sheet of paper write out something similar to
what you find below

Dear (Put their first name here,)

I’m sorry.

I’ve been meaning to say that to you for along time now but I didn’t know how to do it. But now I do.

Please forgive me.

I am really sorry about (insert what you did here).

I have learned (insert what you’ve learned here).

Please find it in your heart to forgive me. I’m trying to change my life. Working on ways to be mindful and aware in everything that I do. Which made me realize and understand how I fell short with you.

I am really sorry about everything that’s happened.

Again…

Please forgive me.

Sign your name.

As you write out the above letters the key to the process is to truly and deeply feel the emotion of forgiveness within you. Get it to be generated deep within your heart. Feel it’s power sweep through your life releasing your from the burdens and blunders of the past.

The next step that usually happens in the process is doing the above but in person if the individual is still here on this earthly plane of existence.

Remember to be gentle with yourself and ease into the process. Letting it guide you along the way.

The Forgiveness Prayer

There is One Power. One Presence. One Love. One Sacred Heart. One Burning Flame. A Single Feeling of Love that fills and flows through all of existence. A power that transforms and renews all of life. A mighty embrace that draws everyone near. A love that is always given freely and fully.

That love is my love. That love flows through me now. That flame burns within my own heart. That power transforms and renews me always. And I know for certain that I am continually held within Loves embrace.

In this moment I forgive myself. I accept forgiveness in every aspect of my life. I release myself from these chains that have shackled my heart. I embrace myself gently and I choose now to be present in this moment. And I declare that I will step forward bravely upon the path of my own life with awareness.

In this deep silence I forgive all those who have done me wrong. I realize now that we’re all trying our best. I know now that I am loved and I’m certain that my heart will heal. I am filled with love and courage and I bless and embrace everyone in my life.

I am eternally grateful for this feeling. I’m thankful for this moment. I’m thankful for all the wonderful people and experiences that I have had in my life. I am ready and willing to my forward for the rest of my days with love and compassion.

My words are full of passion, power and truth. I release them to the sacred and universal law of life. I know now that the truth that as I have said it so is it done.

And so it is. Amen or OM.

Sometimes it’s hard to be alone.

You turn on the radio and a love song is playing. You flip on the t.v. and a late night romantic comedy is on. Or you’re walking down the street and it seems that everyone you see is holding hands and in love.

Everywhere you turn reminds you that you’re still single. That your own true love seems to be a million miles away.

“Love comes to those who still hope even though they’ve been disappointed, to those who still believe even though they’ve been betrayed, to those who still love even though they’ve been hurt before.”

Love is coming for you. Your Soulmate is looking for you.

True love is for the courageous of heart. It comes to those people who dare to dream. To those of us who can stay strong and still face the world with a smile.

Be patient with your persistence. Positive with you purpose. Know well that in time the universe will conspire in your favor and draw the two of you together.

So take this time for yourself.

To know yourself.

To heal yourself.

To grow and unleash the best of yourself.

Embrace whatever feelings you may be having while you wait for your Soulmate to come to you. There’s no point in hiding from them. And there’s nowhere to hide anyways. Love will find a way to sneak into your darkness and shine it’s light on everything that you’ve hidden deep inside.

So be patient, positive and expectant.

By doing this you turn yourself into a magnet that will attract your Soulmate to you.

And remember, your Soulmate is looking for you too!

Ian – The Soulmate Scientist

Everyone wants to feel love. We want to be in love and to know that we are loved by someone.

We dream about it. Sometimes secretly when we’re alone at night. Fantasizing about the perfect partner. A person who “gets” us.

But a lot of times finding your Soulmate can seem to be just out of reach.

And after months, maybe even years of searching for our Soulmate we get frustrated, jaded and depressed. And in our loneliness we start to ask ourselves, “Does everyone have a soulmate?”

Or even worse, we start to believe that there’s no one special out there in the world for us.

Richard Webster, the author of Soulmates: Understanding Relationships Across Time gave us this advice about whether or not everyone has a Soulmate, “I believe that there is a special person for everyone. The perfect person for you is either already with you, or is searching for you. The hard part is finding that special person. However you CAN do it. The two of you have been together countless times before.”

Sometimes it may seem that there’s no one out there for us. That we’re destined to be the “cat lady” whose only companions are her furry friends. But this type of thinking is really a chance for us to find out what’s really going on deep within our hearts and minds.

And it may be tough right now. Lonely. Depressing even. But based on what I’ve seen in my life and in the lives of the people around me, there IS a Soulmate out there for each of us. More than one actually.

The world is just too big.

There’s just too many people looking for love to believe that you’re destined to be single for the rest of your life.

It just seems statistically improbable.

That with all the people in the world, with everyone who’s buzzing around on facebook, to all the dating sites that are popping up, and all the singles mixers going on, and all the meetups happening all over the world right now, the chances of meeting your Soulmate seem to be better than ever.

Helen Fisher of Rutgers University and a world renowned expert on love  said we are indeed “wired to find love” and that finding your soulmate is not only possible, it’s inevitable.

It’s going to happen. Everyone DOES have a Soulmate. There’s hundreds of people floating around right now that could be “the one.”

It doesn’t matter how old you are, if you have kids from a previous marriage, or if you’re going to the gym every other day. There IS someone out there in the world that would move mountains to be with you.

So stop thinking and asking yourself, “Does everyone have a Soulmate?”

And change that thought to, “I can’t wait to meet my Soulmate.”

When you’re ready the universe will conspire in your favor and draw them into your life. Until that happens get out there, have some fun, go on some dates, and trust that everything will happen when it happens.

And remember, your Soulmate is looking for you too!

Ian – The Soulmate Scientist