This is a guest post by Tara Springett author of Soulmate Relationships.

Whenever I give a talk about finding a loving relationship I start by stressing how important it is to own our need for finding a partner. We need to have a strong desire for a loving relationship and that means admitting that we are missing something in ourselves.

Giving this advice seems very obvious – even banal – but there are always people in the audience who do not feel comfortable with it. People will say that they do not really ‘need’ a partner and that they are certainly not deficient. Instead, they claim that you can only find a partner if you feel whole and complete inside.

However, my experience as a therapist has shown me that people who are truly complete in themselves are rarely interested in finding a partner. They simply can’t be bothered to put up with all the difficulties that arise in even the most loving relationships. What’s more, very independent people are not very attractive to others, either. They are not attractive because people like to be needed. If someone is complete and whole there are no needs to be filled – so the other person feels superfluous. Just imagine someone saying to you at a romantic date, ‘It’s great to be with you here but I would be just as happy alone. I really don’t need you or anybody else.’ Most people do not feel attracted to people who are so self-sufficient.

So, the first step for finding a loving relationship is to give up too much independence and own our need for a partner. Then, in the next step we need to create a feeling of love within us that equals the feeling of love we would like to experience with our future partner. Some people call this ‘creating a vibration of love’. If we can maintain this vibration of love even while we are alone a relationship will almost automatically manifest in our life after some time. This is the basic dynamic of manifesting all our dreams.

The big question is how we can create such a loving feeling even without a partner. The answer is that we start by giving love to ourselves. We need to love ourselves including all our problems and faults just like a mother loves her less-than-perfect child. Once we feel loved it will be much easier to improve ourselves to become the most attractive person in body and mind for someone else.

Now we come to the third step and that is visualizing our perfect relationship. Visualizing our dreams is a common advice that we can find in almost every self-help book. However, visualizing alone is not enough. We need to become aware of the most shadowy and vague feelings of doubt, fear and resistance towards our wish. Only if we can spot these unconscious barriers will we be able to remove them and manifest the most wonderful relationship. For example, many people who wish for a partner are unconsciously afraid of being hurt. Quite a few of my clients fear that their future partner may be boring or unattractive.

As soon as we notice our inner negativity we need to replace it with a more positive visualization. Why is this so important? Because it is those unconscious negative thoughts and feelings that are responsible for passing by all the wonderful opportunities for finding love that occur in everybody’s life. In other words, as long as our heart is closed even the most wonderful person would seem ‘boring’ or ‘unattractive’ to us.

Once we have unearthed our inner negativity and have replaced it with a more positive visualization we come to the last step of finding a partner. We have to go to places where we can meet people with values and interests similar to our own.

If we can put into action all those four steps – developing a strong wish for finding a relationship, maintaining a vibration of love, eliminating our unconscious resistance and going to places where our future partner may find us – then it will be only a matter of time until we find a truly loving relationship.

Receive a FREE EBOOK ‘The Secret To Finding Love and Happiness” and get tons more advice and tips on Tara’s website http://www.taraspringett.com

About Tara Springett

Tara Springett holds an M.A. in Education and has post-graduate qualifications in psychotherapy. For many years Tara has assisted people in finding their soulmate. Her approach focuses on the positive yet helps people to clear out all unconscious barriers that are holding them back.

Tara is the author of several self-help books.  She has been featured in numerous publications and has appeared on various radio and television shows in Europe and the US. Tara (born 1960) lives with her husband and soulmate and their son in the beautiful countryside of East Sussex in England where she also works in her private counseling practice.

1. Soulmates and Positive Expectancy
2. Who Is My Soulmate?
3. Does Everyone Have A Soulmate?