True love isn’t all fluffy clouds and puppy dogs. Love hurts. It’s a fact. One that we like to forget. But it’s there. Hiding. Waiting for the right moment to strike.
Bestselling author Neil Gaiman had this to say about true love, “Have you ever been in love? Horrible isn’t it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up.
You build up all these defenses, you build up a whole suit of armor, so that nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life…You give them a piece of you. They didn’t ask for it. They did something dumb one day, like kiss you or smile at you, and then your life isn’t your own anymore.
Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so simple a phrase like ‘maybe we should be just friends’ turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart.
It hurts. Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind. It’s a soul-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain. I hate love.”
Love is for the brave. Love is for the strong. Love if for people who are ready to share the best themselves. To explore dark corners of their own existence. And to be pushed to places that we never knew existed.
But what can you do if you’ve been burned by love?
Is there something out there to help you when love hurts?
I think the only cure for this type of pain is forgiveness.
For some people, forgiving is the hardest thing in the world to do. They hold onto their pain, nurturing it with negative thoughts, afraid of letting it go. It burns like a fire inside of them. Taking over their mind and body. Consuming their very life force. And in the end their pain is their only friend. A comfortable companion that sees them off on their journey all the way to the bitter end.
But there is another way. And that way is to forgive when love has hurt us.
Forgiveness sets us free. It releases us from the bonds of self-slavery. It frees the love that wants to flow within our lives.
I forgive you. Please forgive me. Who could imagine that three little words could have such tremendous power. That these words, backed with a deep heartfelt sincerity, could bring the strongest of men to their knees. That these simple words can set free a person that has long been a slave to their own suffering.
Forgiveness is awareness.
Awareness that we all still have tremendous room to grow. To learn. To love. To experience life to its fullest.
We’re all trying our best. So in those moments where we forgive and when we are forgiven we are reminded that we’re still living. That we’re all in this together. That there are moments where you’re reminded of the adventure of life and the courage it takes to live it fully.
Forgiveness is love in motion. A movement that brings us toward each other and sets us straight upon the path of life once more. It gives us a brief glance into the humanity of our lives. The tenderness of our own hearts. The delicate nature of all the world.
So be strong and forgive.
Be kind and let yourself be forgiven.
Forgiveness rights all wrongs and unleashes the great magic of our lives once more.
“Without forgiveness, there’s no future.”
Archbishop Desmond Tutu
Like Archbishop Desmond Tetu said, there can be no future without forgiveness. Below you’ll find three different techniques that I created:
The Simple Forgiveness Technique
The Forgiveness Letter
The techniques are easy to do. It doesn’t matter if your working on yourself or on forgiving someone in your life. Read the techniques through first and see which method resonates with you the most. Then do that one. Maybe you’ll even discover that doing all three of them is exactly what you need so that you can release the pain of the past of the past and start to heal.
The Simple Forgiveness Technique is the easiest of the three to
• Generate the feeling of forgiveness within you
• Really let the feeling of love and compassion fill every fibre of your being
• Hold the person within your mind that you want to forgive
• Say either out loud or within your mind the words “I Forgive You.”
•If you have to do this again and again until you can feel the shift within your mind and heart
Grab a pen and some paper. You’ll need at least three sheets but I recommend even more. Go to a quiet room and close the door so that you’re not disturbed.
One of the pages is going to be used to forgive yourself and the other page is going to be used to forgive others.
Choose to either forgive yourself or work on forgiving others first. Whichever you feel more drawn to begin with that.
On the paper that you’ll be using to forgive others I want you to title it, I FORGIVE YOU, and on the one for yourself I want you to title it, I FORGIVE MYSELF.
On a separate sheet of paper begin to write out all the things that you feel it’s time to truly forgive others for. Be the issues large or small. Whether their with family, friends, or society. Make a quick list of them.
Once the list is done I want you to write something out on a new sheet of paper that’s similar to the following structure:
Dear (Put their first name here),
I’ve been meaning to tell you this for awhile now and I believe that the time has finally come to get this off my chest. I’m starting my new life and it’s time for me to move on and one of the ways I’m going to do this is by forgiving.
I’m not sure if you know this but (insert what they did that hurt you here – write out how it hurt you and for how long – write out any deep held feelings that you may have had or still may have – go deep into everything that this incident has affected in your life – be as detailed as necessary).
But like I said earlier, the time has come to move on. I want a fresh start. I want to change. I HAVE changed. I can feel myself growing and awakening more and more each day.
I have now realized that the time has come to do this. To truly release myself
from this pain and any memory I have of it.
I forgive you. (As you write these words I need you to truly feel it. Even if you have to write them out over and over again. You must generate a feeling of forgiveness in order to facilitate a release.)
Sign your name.
Be sure at some point after this process is done that you destroy this paper in some manner. I like bringing the paper with me to the middle of an open field at midnight on a full moon. I’ll dig a little hole in the ground because this is where I am going to set fire to the paper to finalize the process.
I take some time to sit still and be present to the beauty and magic of the night. When I feel ready I’ll say the letter out loud and then when I feel that the full release has happened I’ll set fire to the paper making sure that it is contained in the hole that I have dug.
If your working on the process of forgiving yourself using the Forgiveness Letter technique the process is pretty much the same as forgiving others:
• Write out a list of the things that you’d like to be forgiven for
• On a new sheet of paper write out something similar to
what you find below
Dear (Put their first name here,)
I’ve been meaning to say that to you for along time now but I didn’t know how to do it. But now I do.
Please forgive me.
I am really sorry about (insert what you did here).
I have learned (insert what you’ve learned here).
Please find it in your heart to forgive me. I’m trying to change my life. Working on ways to be mindful and aware in everything that I do. Which made me realize and understand how I fell short with you.
I am really sorry about everything that’s happened.
Please forgive me.
Sign your name.
As you write out the above letters the key to the process is to truly and deeply feel the emotion of forgiveness within you. Get it to be generated deep within your heart. Feel it’s power sweep through your life releasing your from the burdens and blunders of the past.
The next step that usually happens in the process is doing the above but in person if the individual is still here on this earthly plane of existence.
Remember to be gentle with yourself and ease into the process. Letting it guide you along the way.
There is One Power. One Presence. One Love. One Sacred Heart. One Burning Flame. A Single Feeling of Love that fills and flows through all of existence. A power that transforms and renews all of life. A mighty embrace that draws everyone near. A love that is always given freely and fully.
That love is my love. That love flows through me now. That flame burns within my own heart. That power transforms and renews me always. And I know for certain that I am continually held within Loves embrace.
In this moment I forgive myself. I accept forgiveness in every aspect of my life. I release myself from these chains that have shackled my heart. I embrace myself gently and I choose now to be present in this moment. And I declare that I will step forward bravely upon the path of my own life with awareness.
In this deep silence I forgive all those who have done me wrong. I realize now that we’re all trying our best. I know now that I am loved and I’m certain that my heart will heal. I am filled with love and courage and I bless and embrace everyone in my life.
I am eternally grateful for this feeling. I’m thankful for this moment. I’m thankful for all the wonderful people and experiences that I have had in my life. I am ready and willing to my forward for the rest of my days with love and compassion.
My words are full of passion, power and truth. I release them to the sacred and universal law of life. I know now that the truth that as I have said it so is it done.
And so it is. Amen or OM.
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